GHOSTBUSTERS CANDY REVIEW #13

it’s been a while since my last blog post, but i’ve made my grand return for the most important one yet...

today i’ll be reviewing park avenue confectionary’s slimer goo squeeze candy. famous for also selling ghostbusters themed chocolate pops that i enjoyed eating with my hot chocolate. 

it started when i was shopping at kmart with my mom, and before we left with our haul, my gaze, fine-tuned to spot mooglie and slimer from record distances, fell upon something on the impulse rack by the self-checkout. a single blue tube of what i first assumed was ghostbusters-themed toothpaste, aptly labelled slimer goo. to my surprise, it turned out to be some kind of sugary concoction! i’ve never gone for squeeze candy before, but since it was billed as sour (and i have a peculiar fondness for tangy stuff), i figured now was the perfect chance to give that a shot.

at first i was disappointed by the selection, but after poking around the aisle a little more, i found a stash behind the cardboard display: three flavors in total. blue raspberry, green apple, and strawberry. which happen to be my three favorite flavors of candy! how did they know?! i didn’t want to overdo it, so i settled on just purchasing blue raspberry and green apple. maybe next time i’ll grab strawberry to complete the set.

here they are in full glory (i lit a candle for ambience) 

seriously, they straight-up look like toothpaste tubes! which got me thinking, if you were crafty enough, you could disguise one as the real thing and trick some poor bishop into heartily applying it to his masticators under the guise of medicament! egads, you’d gum up his works! haha, okay, i can’t keep that bit going. or maybe someone should've snuck some onto gallagher's sledge-o-matic routine so everyone can collectively experience the poop stench of the green apple flavor like i did (more on that later). 

POOOOUND CAKE? I GUESS IT DOES! 

HOW ABOUT THE LAST DAB OF SLIMER'S GOO? 

and venkman's in the front of the audience, suddenly regretting ever taking dana to a gallagher show.
 

before trying them, i also started thinking about the name itself: slimer goo. it sounds downright revolting if you know what slimer’s goo actually implies. if slimer’s goo was tasty enough to be sold as a confection, they would’ve had that poor spud strapped into some auto-goo milking contraption, churning out tubes. but you don’t see venkman licking his lips when he gets slimed, do you? and if you’ve read tobin’s spirit guide, you’ll remember they describe slimer as carrying a “persistent stench of rancid meat.” which just makes the branding even worse. of course, kids don’t care about any of that, and they’re the target audience. so really this tangent is pointless and just makes me sound like one of those pretentious adult my little pony fans insisting it’s not just for nine-year-olds. great, ONTO THE REVIEW.

GREEN APPLE

i normally prefer blue raspberry, so i decided to start with green apple. i like to eat in order from least favorite to most. the first thing i noticed is that the candy almost tastes like the cheap plastic of the tube itself. if you accidentally squeeze out just air, you get blasted with the acute stench of doodoo and caca. so maybe my paranoia in the last paragraph wasn't too far fetched. on top of that, sometimes it’s tart, sometimes cloyingly sweet, and the sourness isn’t strong enough to disguise how artificial the taste really is. the strange scent didn't disrupt the actual flavor of the candy, i wonder what caused it? i also want to mention how frustrating it is to eat this? unless you want to accidentally squirt some onto your perfectly good jeans when the tube burps you need to constantly be aiming the tube downwards onto your tongue. overall, my experience with this flavor was a 4/10. 

BLUE RASPBERRY

seriously though, what is blue raspberry? i googled it and apparently it’s not even raspberry! it’s got “flavor notes” of pineapple, cherry, and, worst of all, BANANA. i loathe banana flavoring, so that was a shock. but blue raspberry candy has always been good! maybe banana isn't as bad as i think it is...? nah, it is. if you've ever tried peel me banana gummies, you'd know. yuck! also, i always thought it was blue just to set it apart from cherry and strawberry. that’s why green apple is green apple, not just “apple.” i guess candy colors can only cover so many varieties of flavoring. 

anyway, i was excited to try this one, but i was immediately hit with an overly sweet punch. same issue as the green apple! sometimes tangy, sometimes just plain sugary, no consistent sourness. still, it doesn’t have the weird smell or cheap aftertaste, so if i had to choose, this one’s my favorite so far. but we’ll see after strawberry. 5/10

yep, that's my blog post for today. hope you guys enjoyed my taste testing!

and thank you to one of my twitter followers who recommended thomas dolby to me way back when. i really enjoy his music. you know me better than i do! 

-eb